EPISODE 8 THE DECISION

If I was going to drop out of college to pursue my wrestling career, the perfect time would be when my mother was halfway across the planet, so she couldn’t yell at me.

Luckily for me, that exact opportunity arose in January 2005 when she and Chris took a trip to Australia to visit my stepbrother.

To reassure her, I told her that I would switch college courses, maybe to something more sports related, seeing as I had miraculously become some version of an athlete in the last two years. But while I’m waiting, I may as well get some life experience, make some towns, see if there’s hope for me beyond the borders of my wee island.

But where? America or Canada? Both had plush wrestling scenes and America had the biggest promotions in the world.

Wrestling in Japan had become my ultimate goal. In contrast to American wrestling, where women had a substantial history of being treated as side acts or sex objects, Japanese promotions showcased their women as the performers and fighters they were. I only owned one Japanese women’s wrestling VHS tape but it was my most coveted possession: a golden chalice of plastic and metal containing the outline to my future. The women were better than any man I had seen. They were high flyers and they hit hard and fast. I had no idea if I could ever come close to their abilities, but I sure as hell wanted to try. However, I had no clue where to start. Plus, I didn’t speak the language. So that brought me back to my first two options.

Getting a visa for America was harder, and realistically, going over there on my own and not knowing anyone, having just turned eighteen, seemed a bit scarier, what with all the guns and all.

I didn’t really know anyone in Canada either, but I had met Scotty Mac at the IWW show a year earlier, when he had spent much of the evening boasting of the wealth and popularity of promotions in British Columbia.

And if things really went south, I had a cousin who lived on Vancouver Island. Sure, I had only met him once when I was twelve, but family is family.

Vancouver was a go! With this bedrock foundation of two people I barely knew.

I was determined to make something of myself.

If I didn’t succeed by the end of the year, I would come back and go to college as I had promised my mom.

With time running out before leaving for the adventure of a lifetime, I began saying my goodbyes to all my friends and family who had offered me eighteen years of memories. I felt like the more final I made this, the more pressure I put on myself, the more likely I would be to make it.

There were three days left when I met up with Fergal in town to say goodbye. After all, I wouldn’t have even had this dream if it hadn’t been for him opening the school in Bray. We had been getting closer and closer ever since the UK tour where we almost became accessories to a crime. We would talk about wrestling and our ambitions, knowing that we wouldn’t get to where we wanted by staying in Ireland. We had to take risks, travel, go out on a limb, put ourselves out there.

And I suppose as we laughed and flirted all day around town, we were putting ourselves out there. Just in a different way. After four hours of fun and anticipatory butterflies had passed, it was that terrible time of day when we were due back to our respective homes in their separate directions. As we stood at the train station and I looked to the electric board above, warning me of the four minutes I had left to make a move or be doomed to travel to the Pacific Northwest with a suitcase full of what-ifs, I went for it right there, kissing him in the middle of Dublin’s busiest station, my knees almost buckling with glee.

But now that I had love on the brain, the last thing I wanted to do was leave!

The time that was meant to be dedicated to packing and preparing was promptly replaced by going on hikes and sitting at the beach, gazing into each other’s eyes, sharing those loving tender moments that leave a lingering sense of magic in the air as young love does. The need to leave and the desire to stay pulled me with equal force as if I might split in half. Yet at the same time it felt like everything I could ever want in life was happening.

I now had a boyfriend I had once thought was way out of my league. I was about to travel to do the thing I adored more than anything and take a massive leap of faith.

I knew I was on the brink of something big. I was terrified but kept thinking, It will either be a great adventure or a great story, but either way, it might make a decent memoir one day.